Guest Blog: GWAR’s Oderus Urungus Starts the Sounds of the Underground Countdown

The following is a commentary by GWAR’s psychotic frontman Oderus Urungus. The opinions herein do not necessarily express views held by anyone at the Headbangers Ball Blog, or, for that matter, any sane person. But as champions of the First Amendment, and fans of Antarctica-based space alien metal bands of all stripes, we bring you the first Countdown to Sounds of the Underground guest blog entry. Take it away, Oderus.

Every time I turn on the “intra-web” with my “compu-browser,” I get these things called “e-mails” that I “hate.” It’s like people can just send you these letters and say whatever they want to you… anytime. It’s f—ing annoying! And these people (who sometimes are machines) can get downright huffy when you don’t immediately answer, whether they are trying to sell you an interest in a Ecuadorian yak-farm or soliciting your family for anal violation. Now if they were soliciting a yak for anal violation, I might be interested!

One of the things these people are continually pestering me for are these things called “blogs” — postings of text on the “compu-web” that are basically nothing more than random observations of life in general. This form of expression is so insidious that apparently I have been doing it for years and didn’t even know about it.

Very well! I’m doing it again. Today I quickly want to comment on aspects of our latest Euro-tour (I’m in that band from outer-space, GWAR). A lot of this tour was spent in Germany, who supposedly “lost” World War II. Like you can tell! Never has there been a country so well-managed, a people so happy! If the prosperity of Germany is the result of losing not one but two wars, then maybe America should lose a couple. Oh wait, they are! So I decided to break as much stuff as possible while I was there, as well as distribute free guns and crack to the populace. And they loved it.

As the tour drew to a close, the Virginia Tech shootings took place. In Europe, there was a sneering awareness of the event, a “we-told-you-so” attitude that flew me into a violent rage, trashing two cities, five towns, eight villages, and several armored divisions. How dare the “losers” of the greatest war this world has ever seen decry the proud United States? After all, isn’t the U.S. the closest thing this world has got to the Nazi’s nowadays?

You’d think all of Germany would break into spontaneous fits of murderous mass violence everytime another gun-related rampage was announced! And indeed it did a few years back in the town of Erfut, Germany, where 19-year-old Robert Steinhauser killed 16 people and then himself in a school shooting weirdly reminiscent of the Columbine attack. And what do those two incidents, the Oklahoma City bombing, the Waco slaughter, Hitler’s death-day and now the Virginia Tech massacre have in common besides being completely sick and wrong? They all occurred within the same week! Not the same year of course, but the coincidence is too great to be ignored! Cosmic forces are at work beyond the control of even GWAR! Quick, burn a goat on the altar of Shub-Niggaroth, and pray for guidance!

Meanwhile, the mighty GWAR is currently rebuilding the GWAR fortress, destroyed during the events that we chronicle on our latest and greatest album, Beyond Hell. Well, actually the Slaves are doing all the work while we lounge in human skin lawn chairs, planning and plotting our latest assault on Earth: Headlining this summer’s Sounds of the Underground tour! And nothing less than the most amazing GWAR show ever will suffice for the coolest tour we have ever done! So bask in this brief respite from the wrath of GWAR, and rest assured it shall not be long until my warty genitals are exactly where they should be… right in your face!

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