Props to Relapse Records for coming up with the most amusing press release of the week. Now, there’s nothing inherently clever or creative about David Letterman style Top 10 lists, but we gotta hand it to ‘em for concocting some pretty funny entries. They even formatted the thing with a picture of Letterman, the “Late Show With David Letterman” logo and the CBS.com logo — though we’d have to check with out legal department to see if that’s all kosher. Anyway, here’s the pitch they sent us for Nile’s Ozzfest gig:
The Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Cover Ozzfest’s Nile
10. NILE members know where the other half of Ozzy’s brain is buried and they won’t give it back unless you do.
9. NOT covering them would mean you’re in de-NILE about how much smarter they are than you about ancient Egypt.
8. They’re the ONLY ones who can protect you from the evil Sun God Ra at Ozzfest.
(We’d still recommend wearing a sun block of at least SPF 50, though.)
7. You’ve been dying to yell “Isis, Isis… Ra Ra Ra” at a show without someone looking at you funny, but were never able to until now.
6. Because your Mummy would want you to.
5. When was the last time your kids paid attention to anything historical and educational, anyway?
4. The way they play their instruments would win them a Grammy faster than the acting in “The Mummy” and “The Mummy Returns” would earn a used Oscar.
3. Because even though revolving line-ups aren’t Phar(aoh), a recent Gallup poll states NILE’s presence on Ozzfest upped the extremity rating by 1,000%!
2. They’d cause LESS spinal injuries than that “Crocodile Mile” slip ‘n’ slide you used to have as a kid.
1. Like your high school cheerleading squad, NILE have erected more than just pyramids.
Now check out Nile’s “Sacrifice Unto Sebek”:
