Keith Buckley from Every Time I Die is a stunning performer and charismatic frontman, but he might be an even better writer -- the kind that takes bizarre experiences and turns them into amusing rock n' roll parables for all to learn and laugh from. The following run-in with a heavy metal caricature illustrates his gift. Even if he made it all up, it's a damn good story. Heck, we're pleased enough with Buckley now to unreservedly plug his band's upcoming album, The Big Dirty, which comes out September 4. Now, here's Keith:
At the recent Sounds Of The Underground date in Irvine, California, Every Time I Die were finally allowed a glimpse into the life of a real Hollywood celebrity. In order to protect his identity and our own physical well-being, the identity of this Goliath will be altered from his well known movie character name (which was the only way he would refer to himself) to something not so incriminating -- we'll call him "Pleatherchest."
Pleatherchest has spent numerous hours sitting on a cooler in front of our bus, relentlessly pounding the libations he has acquired from other bands without asking when all of a sudden he apparently decides to befriend us, the group of guys whose bus he has used as a backdrop for his bottle breaking and shameless self-promotion. The door swings open and the shirtless beast storms up into the front room declaring, "CHIMAIRA!!! you guys f---in' rock, man!!!!"
Too afraid to correct his mistake, we laugh internally as Pleatherchest continued to tell us about how "Pleatherchest loves Chimaira." After swilling some beers, the girl he is with asks if he can "help her apply some lipstick in the bathroom." SPRRRROI-OI-OING!!!
Pleatherchest obliges and ducks his head to squeeze himself into the bathroom with his conquest. What happens next defies explanation. Pleatherchest closes the door behind him, then opens it up partially, sticks his head out and says, "I know Chimaira are a bunch of rock stars, but let me show you how 'Pleatherchest' does it." Then, he closes the door. What "it" means is unclear, but, but if it's sexual intercourse, Pleatherchest does it quickly then leaves as he came (pun fully intended). And with him he takes our hearts.
Farewell Pleatherchest, and Godspeed.
If you enjoyed that, check out the video for "Kill the Music":
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