Last night a DJ saved my life. No, I am not talking about the 1982 hit single by Indeep. I'm talking about how I can flip through my iPod and find any song to reflect my emotions, intensify my aggression, bring me to the edge or pull me back and sooth every wound I might have incurred. I am that DJ and the life I am saving is my own.
There are many people who say that music is their lives and they would be dead without it; that it's all that they live for; that it helps them get through their day. Now, take a step back and become the musician, the artist, the one that is making the music that can alter someone's existence.
I have had countless fans come up to me on tour or stop me in the street or email me about how my music has personally helped them get through their problems or helped comfort them during the hard times in their lives. My words have helped that form a foundation in which to find solace. Having that ability is the greatest feeling in the world. Being able to help people in their most dire times just by doing something that you love is very fulfilling. Some people know what their purpose is in life, and I know that making music and rocking out is mine.
There is a song that we wrote early 2006 called "Solemn Promise." The song is a dedication to the strength and ability my mother had while fighting cancer amongst many other ailments. She had been afflicted for over 11 years and her drive to move forward and not let her illness control her life was a total inspiration to me. How could I not write about that kind of perseverance? We play that song at every show and dedicate it to her and to anyone that has fought through anything that has or still is ailing them. We have always received a tremendous response to the song, especially during Ozzfest 2006 and on many of the bigger package tours and festivals we have done here and overseas. In a way, I feel all the positive energy that is invoked by the massive feedback helped her fight the disease.
I had no idea how many people were touched by this song and who sent their prayers and best wishes to us until I was off tour for a couple of weeks. I received a constant stream of emails asking about her condition and still do. These were letters from fans and friends all over the world concerned with her vitality. There were also messages from other bands and labels sending messages of hope. I always make it a point to reach out to anyone that requires my attention, a concerned ear or a shoulder to cry on. It's part of the responsibility of being a musician in my position. I have time for everyone.
My mom was always a huge music lover. She used to say it was the sound of the soul and would boast of its therapeutic qualities. She always supported and admired my decisions to pursue a career as a musician and she was proud that I was able to help others. I was able to spend a lot of time in the hospital with her in December after our last tour. Unfortunately, she passed away mid-January very peacefully. She was a titan among humanity, and her endurance and determination throughout life will forever echo in my mind and be an underlying theme in the bedrock of my music.
The past month since her passing has been a rough one, but I was able to get through it with help from some great people and most of all... music. Every drop of pain and anguish is washed away with the aid of songs that have been there for me from the moment of their creation. From current bands to older groups, it is their contribution to the audible arts that have kept me going and allowed me to keep my head up. Whenever I start feeling sad I know I can count on certain bands to pull me out. For example: Madball, Hatebreed, In Flames, Biohazard, War of Ages, Sick of it All and Machine Head. They give me the drive and nerve to keep my life on track and a retain a solid hold on what I was born to do -- write songs and play music for others to enjoy and gain comfort, courage and strength from. Many times I turn to my own songs for personal inspiration, but as we all know, it is difficult for anyone to follow their own advice even if it is the best solution.
I have been writing like crazy as of late. It is the only thing that can hold my attention. I know that many of the songs Full Blown Chaos and I are writing will help many people and there is a great dignity and honor in that knowledge. I feel like a physician giving rise to new forms of medication with every word and note. I know this will heal, inspire and give some people the lift they need. We need more people with the same attitude towards music to feed the stream of innovation -- to dig into their internal forges and design the next wave of music to keep life worth living.
I know that I can turn to my vinyl, cassettes, CDs or iPod when I need it and have the music swell within me and help iron out every twisted nerve or bring me to victory. Music is my passion, my saving grace.
Like Life of Agony said in "Words and Music": "It's these words and music that keeps me living, keeps me breathing."
Comments