It’s crystal ball time again. The Dillinger Escape Plan guitarist Ben Weinman sent us this exclusive shot of him next to retired champion bicyclist Lance Armstrong and now we’re trying to figure out just what’s going on between the two.
It seems unlikely that they’re having some sort of homosexual tryst — though we do see a hand on a shoulder there — so here’s our assessment of their relationship. Ben has come to the conclusion that, at his age, throwing himself around onstage like an asylum lunatic on PCP isn’t conducive to maintaining strong health. So, he’s decided to give up being a rocker and start training to become a professional cyclist. And he has hired Armstrong to guide him on the road to cycling stardom.
And why not? Weinman is already used to navigating hairpin turns, slamming on the brakes and putting the pedals to the medals, musically, so it can’t be much of a stretch to trade in his Gibson for a Huffy, right? Besides, Armstrong has proven that award-winning bikers can score hot chicks. We’ll overlook his relationship with Sheryl Crow here ‘cuz we’ve seen pictures of his hot ex-girlfriend Tory Burch, and lately he’s been hanging out with Ashley Olson — not the most metal of babes, but definitely not too difficult to look at. And Ben… Well, we’re guessing he’s tired of waking up with open cuts and aching bruises, lying next to rock gals who look like guys. The Tour de France awaits.
