Cattle Decapitation vocalist Travis Ryan with Carcass bassist and vocalist Jeff Walker
Pessimism — Recanting the Saudadeous: My Carcass Reunion Show Experience
by Travis Ryan
I wasn’t going to do it. I honestly can’t remember the last time I paid for a show, let alone fifty f–kin’ dollars for one. It was actually no surprise to me to hear that Carcass was going to play the States. My band Cattle Decapitation had been talking to various booking agents and managers for the last year or so trying our hardest to land a slot on the tour. Didn’t happen. So, I knew there was no way I was going to pay all that to get in. Perhaps we would know one of the support bands and get a hook up that way? At the last minute possible, my buddy Sal hit me up saying they had an extra spot in the car and an extra ticket. I wasn’t going to miss this, especially after the adrenaline and rush of nostalgia that hit me while watching the videos of their performances on the European festivals on the Internet.
When we arrived at the House of Blues in Hollywood, CaliGOREnia, I walked right up to the front and lo and behold, there was our booking agent, who also happens to be the booking agent for the tour, holding his last backstage pass in his hand. Bingo. Turned out I still needed that damn ticket to get in, so I still had to cough up the $50. I went in and there it was… a t-shirt I’ve wanted since I was 15 years old — the exact age when I got my first Carcass cassette version of Symphonies of Sickness at the goddamned Sam Goody’s in the Escondido North County Fair Mall. The design of that shirt was none other than the aforementioned album cover. $30. S–t. After years of being in control of my own band’s merchandise and overseeing the whole process from start to finish and knowing what I’ve learned over the past decade, I just couldn’t do it.
I hung out with our manager all night until Carcass went on. We talked about the release of our upcoming record, the massive tour cycle that shall ensue and more importantly, the new wave of Hasbro’s 25th Anniversary G.I. Joes that are coming out. But that’s besides the point. So, we’re sitting there talking about how we can keep up with this ever changing climate called the music industry. It’s obvious that the Internet is playing a key role in band promotion and merchandising, licensing and touring seem to be more important than ever. I swear, some bands are just signed based on their MySpace hits and how many full color shirt designs they have. All off-print, of course! I basically got bummed out pretty quick while talking to him since I’m getting older now and it’s getting much more challenging to keep up with the new blood.
Everything from marketing to actual musicianship is being stepped up. Sometimes the band is s–t, but man, do they have killer shirt designs! Luckily, we only play the music we like to play. We don’t pay attention to these other bands’ music and we definitely never say to ourselves, “Hmmmmm, we need a part like that in one of our songs,” or “This is what we should play if we want to move to that next level.” I can’t think of a new “death metal” band (please note: I’m using that term extremely loosely) that I’ve given a s–t about in the past 10 years. Necrophagist was the last group remember saying “holy s–t!” about. In fact, the band that inspired us the most was Carcass. But even under the influence of this band, we’ve never actually tried to sound like them — although I’m pretty sure the only reason we used the vegetarian angle in our imagery and lyrics was because of Carcass — but blatantly ripping them off musically? Not at all. I don’t know what these kids with their ultra-incestuous music are thinking. Like Marilyn Manson says, “You’re just a copy of an imitation” (”Target Audience Narcissus Narcosis”). My thoughts exactly. And yes, I did just quote Marilyn Manson, I really liked Mechanical Animals.
So, the lights went out and Carcass hit the stage. There was this very intense intro with a woman talking shit on Christ and some atmospheric sounds. I was astounded as I guess I never realized how anti-religious Carcass were, which is completely fine by me ’cause I’m no fan of organized religion. I was always just too enthralled with their talk of gore, decomposition and that glorious vernacular Jeff Walker possessed to notice. Then it happened… that sound. That guitar sound that, in combination with the band’s lyrics and overall sound and persona, led me on a path in which I, unfortunately, never reached the end of: medical school. I actually wanted to be a mortician at one time thanks to Carcass. My high school graduation cap even says “see you on the slab” on it. I took a bunch of medical terminology and anatomy classes in college, but it just wasn’t working out, so I bailed. Probably due to my attention deficit disorder, which I’m obviously exhibiting RIGHT NOW… Where was I?
Oh right, Carcass. So, like I was saying, they broke out with the song “Impropagation,” and the crowd went nuts! That’s when it dawned on me… This is the best band in this genre, ever. As in, nobody comes close to conveying the dreadful feeling that they thrive upon. So, why does anyone even bother playing this kind of stuff still? No f–kin’ Web site, trend or “new thing” is going to take that place, so why even bother? I mean, I hate to sound pessimistic, but seriously, did you see that s–t? Here are these dudes who haven’t even jammed with each other in a decade or so, and they’re destroying everything right there in front of you. That sound. That feeling. This is what death metal is supposed to be. That is the feeling you’re supposed to get. How is it possible that a sound can induce such a feeling in a person — especially after all these years?! I haven’t felt that way since, probably, the last time I saw Carcass. The first time was probably at the Clash of the Titans concert at the San Diego Sports Arena when I saw that guy crawl up to the top speaker – probably 100 feet up or more — and dive into the crowd. He could have died. He should have died. He lived. Now, that I can understand. I was, like, 14 or some s–t, and a pretty impressionable kid. Now I’m 33 and I got that feeling just from watching a band play their instruments on a stage? I thought it was impossible, being the jaded pessimist I am, suffering from LVS (Lead Vocalist Syndrome) and slowly giving a s–t less and less about this life on this earth. But they did it. And we have to deal with it. By the way, I have a total understanding of how absurd this sounds, I’m simply explaining the immediate thoughts that popped in my mind a few songs into their set and the feeling I left the show with. If you’re perplexed by reading this, try walking away from a concert totally elated by what you just saw, yet completely humbled to the point of tears, questioning what you’ve been doing the past 15 years. It’s kind of like a near death experience. We’ll always long for the things that are of the not.
How is it that a handful of dudes from England can do such a thing to a person? The world may never know. I do know that I’ll probably never get that from a band again. I, among many others, have been greatly affected by this band. I am very thankful to be able to play this kind of music and that bands like Carcass existed. Had they never formed, I may have never have been exposed to the kinds of things I’ve experienced with Cattle Decapitation. Makes you wonder what kinds of things from will affect today’s kids years from now. Will we hear things like, “Man, I miss the days of the designer cocked baseball cap with the size sticker still on the bill”; “Man, remember when every song had the same breakdown? I miss those days”; “Man, remember the MySpace page they had from September 2007 to July 2008? That was such an amazing layout!”? I sure hope this isn’t all they’re going to have. Music is about choreographed notation done with instruments, not f–king fashion. Never f–king fashion. We need less unity in genres and more cynicism. We need more reality and less love. There is enough beauty in brutality, and thus we need less fashion. Carcass wore Converse…
