Pirate metal certainly isn't a new phenomenon. We're guessing it dates back to around 1987 when German power metal band decided to cast their Satanic lyrics overboard and embark on a pirate voyage with their third album Under Jolly Rodger. But whatever its origins, it remains one of the silliest subgenre of metal and it seems to be gaining popularity. Alestorm, Blasphemy, Scurvy, Verbal Deception and Battleheart are just a handful of groups willing to walk the plank for a some rum-swilling riffs and lyrics about sailing the seven seas.

But New Jersey's Swashbuckle, whose second album Back to the Noose comes out July 24, just might have the coolest pirate-themed video. Click more to watch "Cruise Ship Terror."

Cruise Ship Terror

This one's a couple years old, but it's so damn funny we just had to dig it up again. The band is Sin Destroyers, a mock Christian metal outfit that created "Gifts to the World," a part-cartoon, part performance video which features "South Park"-style animation and lines like "He is Christ, the Lord/ and he brings gifts to the world/...He died for your sins so you can get presents/ He is Jesus Christ/ He's got a list and he's checking it twice."

Now, we're not experts or anything, but we think there's kind of a major flaw with the logic of the song. The Sin Destroyers seem to confuse Santa Claus with Jesus Christ -- which is pretty hard to do since Santa's all obese and jolly and s--t, and Christ -- judging by all those old Dutch paintings -- looks kinda like an emaciated street corner junkie.

Then again, who ever said humor has to be based in fact. And for that matter, who ever said religion has to be based in fact. Kiss your crucifix -- whichever direction it may point -- and click "more" to watch Sin Destroyers deliver "Gifts to the World."

Sin Destroyers - Gifts to the World

We figured the maniacal Swedish Chef from "The Muppets" would crank up Scandinavian music when he wanted to swing the cleaver or choke his chicken, but we sort of took him for a fan of Hypocrisy, Meshuggah, At the Gates or someone else from Sweden. Little did we know the puffy guy prefers folk metal. See him dance a jig to Korpiklaani:

Swedish Chef - Heavy Metal
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In a recent interview with the Artisan News Service, Motörhead frontman Lemmy Kilmister commented on the biological inaccuracy of the new Lemmy doll created by Chicago collectible toy company Lococo. "They said it's an action figure, and I said, 'So, you're gonna put a d--- on it?'" joked Kilmister. "They said, 'No.' I said, 'Well, then it's not going to get much action then, is it?' [That's] a bad name for it, right?"

The Lemmy action figure comes with an individually numbered limited edition Motörhead "Ace of Spades" playing card, a D’Andrea Lemmy Kilmister bass pick, a Rickenbacker bass, guitar strap, microphone and stand.

"I had to stand on this platform while the camera went around and did the hologram thing and then they made the model, only smaller," Lemmy said.

The toy also features a figural base, Motörhead logo plate and backdrop. The price for the standard edition is $19.95 at Rocknrollactionfigures.com.
Here's a review of the Lemmy figure. Locoape has also created 50 copies of a way, way pricier autographed version of the doll.

And check out our podcast interview with Lemmy.

Who cares if silly Elton John is out there performing benefit concerts for Hilary Clinton, raising millions of dollars to support a basically unelectable candidate? Barack Obama has Twisted Sister guitarist Jay Jay French on his side.

With the help of some friends, French has a recorded the song "I Want Barack," a revision of Twisted Sister's hit "I Wanna Rock." And, according to a press release from the Jay Jay French and Friends Camp, the song is expected to be featured at upcoming Obama rallies.

"Inspired by a deep desire to see Senator Obama elected President of the United States, I set out to create an anthem that could be sung in large gatherings as a rock 'n' roll version of 'Hail To The Chief,'" French says.

Don't feel left out, John McCain. Glenn Danzig's "Twist of McCain" is surely just around the corner.

"We Rock Sweet Balls and Can Do No Wrong."

The words on the CD cover are written in the same font as Iron Maiden's logo and above the statement there's a picture of a lightning storm bursting from a disco ball and striking a multicolor dancefloor that seems to be bursting into flames. The album is by Tragedy and it's described right under the logo as "an All Metal Tribute to the Bee Gees."

Is this a joke? Maybe, but six dudes in the New York band are laughing all the way to the fiery gates of hell. We Rock Sweet Balls and Can do No Wrong features 10 Bee Gees songs treated with various shades of metal. "Stayin' Alive" is sleazy, bluesy Motley Crue crossed with Guns N' Roses, but with a Judas Priest Chorus, "How Deep is Your Love" sounds like The Darkness if they actually had rocked sweet balls and "Night Fever" features a riff reminiscent of Scorpions' "Rock You Like a Hurricane" and ends with the chant "Here I am!" Pretty entertaining stuff, and their shows are supposedly a scream.

If you're in the city that never sleeps, find out for yourself at the band's record release party on March 22 at The Highline Ballroom. The heralded event also features the tribute bands Unchained (Van Halen), Theater of Pain (Motley Crue) and Kiss Nation.

Now, we're not super-big on tribute bands and we thought we would have been the last ones to agree that the Bee Gees can coexist peacefully in any way, shape or form with heavy metal. Hell, we remember the days we used to storm around our elementary school lunchroom chanting, "Disco sucks" and blasting AC/DC on a boombox to annoy anyone who might have preferred "Saturday Night Fever" to "The Kids Are Alright." Then again, we also reveled in reading passages from "The Satanic Bible" aloud in the high school library, but that's another story. And when it comes to rockin' silly and stupid, Tragedy might worth at least one night stand -- even if you don't respect yourself in the morning.

The closest anyone came to really rocking out was Toyota, who used Fu Manchu's pedal-to-the-floor 2002 song "Mongoose" to plug the Sequoia:
Toyota Sequoia

Add to My Profile | More VideosThe only other metal moment came during a commercial for Fox television's "Sarah Connor Chronicles," which used Danzig's "Mother" to illustrate the series storyline about a mother and son on the run from Terminator robots.

By comparison, it pales to last year, when Garmin International Inc. pulled hefty Grim Reaper singer Steve Grimmett out of obscurity for an ass-kickin' spot in which a GPS-armed robot reminiscent of Ultraman dukes it out with a lizard monster who resembles an origami map. If you haven't seen it, you owe it to yourself to check this one out:
Grab Your Garmin

Add to My Profile | More VideosThe most metal Superbowl XLII ad that had no metal in it came from Careerbuilder.com, which ran a spot depicting a woman unhappily sitting at a computer while her boss eats and laughs. Without warning, her heart bursts out of her chest, grows legs, climbs over to her bosses desk and whips out a sign that reads "I quit." In the end, the company's logo falls out of the sky, demolishing the office building. If only it had all been staged to the tune of Morbid Angel's "Blood on My Hands":

CareerBuilder.com Super Bowl Commercial

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Todd McFarlane probably has nothing to worry about, but Mike Patton's is expected to issue the first of 12 Ipecac Records artist figurines this month.

The dolls were created by boutique toy company UNKL for acts as wide ranging as Isis, Melvins, Peeping Tom, Unsane, Tomahawk and Qui. The toys will come out once a month in limited editions of 500, and can be purchased at the following stores:

* Synthetic Compound in Phoenix, Arizona: www.myspace.com/syntheticcompound
* Monkey See, Monkey Do! in Austin, Texas: www.monkeyseeonline.com
* LUNA Music in Indianapolis, Indiana: www.lunamusic.com
* My Plastic Heart in New York City: www.myplasticheart.com

For those who want to guarantee they get all 12, the dollies can be purchased directly  from UNKL via subscription at  http://www.unklbrand.com/blog/news/ipecac-subscriptions-yo/. In addition to receiving one figurine a month, subscribers will be mailed a limited-edition “show poster” with each doll.

Surely the Earache grindcore line of dolls is just around the corner.

So, instead of bitching about our lack of originality, relax, smile and watch this holiday classic, "A Charlie Brown Heavy Metal Christmas." Then tell us the name of the metal band and the song.
A Charlie Brown Heavy Metal Christmas

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The band's 2006 album, Twisted Christmas, was, hands-down, the best selling item of their catalog this winter, and while their DVD, "A Twisted Christmas Live," which came out in September, hasn't exactly rivaled "Ratatouille" in seasonal sales, it's at least kept the Twisted legacy alive, and may continue to do so until "Stay Hungry: The Musical" makes it to Broadway.

To do our part for the cause, HBB Blog presents a couple of the band's Christmas vids that should spread some yuletide joy to dudes with glam metal hearts and graying mullets -- and, hey, it's a whole lot better than sitting through "A Charlie Brown Christmas" and that frickin' Grinch movie every year.

The first clip is a live recording of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" from the new DVD, and the second is an interpretation of "The 12 Days of Christmas" called "Heavy Metal Christmas," which was filmed last year for Gametap.com.
Twisted Sister - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

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